Locker room etiquette

After I'm finished working out I, like most people, go to the locker room to shower and change before going on about my day. For reasons of keeping things simple, I opt to change in the locker room "at large" if you will. It's just easier to change next to my locker rather than look for a change room (none of which are near my locker) or go into a bathroom stall (many are near my locker but are cramped and dirtier than the open space and unused bench next to my locker).

The only real downside of my choice is that women walk by all the time and they see me naked. If those women are family or friends or even strangers I don't care at all. I'm just not hyped about nudity in front of other women... with one exception: co-workers. I don't want to be naked in front of co-workers... it's just weird. But since my gym is in the same building as my office, I end up changing in front of co-workers a lot.

So here's what I usually do... pretend I don't see them or ignore them until I/we have finished changing. Here's what I don't do.... engage them in conversation! So why do they so often start a conversation with me????? It's awkward. I know they feel it too. Do they feel once they have started a conversation they are committed to continue it inspite of the palpable tension? The problem is, the dressed person is by default in the position of power. The naked person is automatically vulnerable by virtue of being naked in front of someone they frequently see while fully clothed.

So, to keep the balance of power fair between business associates in various stages of nudity, here are my rules of etiquette if you ever see a co-worker in the locker room:

1. If one party is dressed and the other is naked then the dressed party is under obligation to completely ignore and in no way acknowledge the naked party
   
2. If one party is dressed and the other is partly dressed (ie. at least underwear and bra on) then eye contact and a nod of acknowledgement is all that is allowed
   
3. If both parties are naked (ie. in the shower) then all effort must be made to keep a side profile or 3/4 turn so parties are mostly back to back. Brief pleasantries may be exchanged (ie. "have a nice workout?"... "it was great. thank-you" THE END). Every effort must be made to ensure the business of being naked is completed as swiftly as possible.
   Note: this only applies if there are no physical barriers (ie. shower stalls) between the naked parties. In the case of shower stalls or other physical obstructions then rule #4 applies instead.
   
4. If both parties are partly dressed (ie. at least underwear and bra on, or the exception to rule #3 above) then limited conversation may occur. Topics should be restricted to the weather, pop-culture, and news headlines. Nothing personal, family, or business related.
   
5. If both parties are dressed you may speak to each other in a normal fashion as you would outside the locker room.

I hope this clears up any confusion you may have with regards to locker room etiquette. Please feel free to distribute to your co-workers, especially the frequent offenders, as you see fit :)