How To Destroy Your Self Esteem

Last night I decided to go and buy a new swimsuit. As it is January (not exactly swimsuit season in Calgary) most stores aren't carrying swimsuits yet. So I went to the Sears outlet store as they had last summer's "collection". But on my way in, I first stopped at another clothing store and decided to try on some jeans. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I fit a size smaller than I thought. So I was feeling pretty good as I went to Sears and wandered into the swimsuit section.

Unfortunately the outlet store doesn't carry the greatest selection of merchandise. You may find the perfect suit but not in your size. Or you may find one in your size but you don't like the colour. Let's be honest, the selection is basically what no one wanted in the retail store. So I grabbed everything in my size hoping something would look good and headed to the fitting room. I had one pieces, bikinis, tankinis, little skirt wraps, and long flowing wraps.

As I was feeling good and somewhat sexy from the smaller jeans experience, I started with a bikini. I can testify that NOTHING will bring you crashing back to earth like looking at yourself in the mirror in a bikini. The swimsuit gods are bitter, ruthless, and vengeful. Every little flaw in your body, no matter how insignificant or trivial, seems to magnify. And the big flaws, the parts of your body you never liked but hoped somehow would magically disappear, just seem to take over completely. Strike one for the self-esteem!

So after the bikini I tried the tankini. This was surprisingly worse in many ways. The tankinis actually hid the virtues and accentuated the flaws. Strike two for the self esteem!

Okay, let's try it with a little skirt wrap. Okay, that's a little better but it doesn't hide the rolls that are making me sick every time I glance in the mirror. I quickly realize that these are outfits that will cause children to run away in terror to their mommies.

So let's try the one piece. I didn't want a one piece as that's all I have ever had my entire life and I really wanted to be sexy and not so "grandma-ish". However, this particular suit has a mesh panel on the front which I thought was kind of sexy... not a bikini but it shows a little tummy. So I try it on and, sure enough, the mesh panel sits right at the belly button which is okay if my rolls didn't make it look like a squinting eye!!!!! Strike three. The self-esteem is outta here!

However, after some pulling and pushing and manipulation of the rolls, I realize I can make the mesh panel (at least for a short while) show a strip of skin that isn't too nauseating. And, paired with a long flowing wrap skirt thingy it actually looks okay.

So I changed back in to my regular clothes, exited the fitting room with my self-esteem in shatters, my energy depleted, and my commitment to Weight Watchers renewed. I purchased the swimsuit and wrap and got the hell outta there. It's gonna take months or even years before I'll have the energy to go swimsuit shopping again.